The octopus ever asked me, if I ever hold hand and walk wth my ex, I said no' cause every time I hold his hand he will take his hand away. He asked if I'm sad, I said yes but I get used to it. He said that my ex shouldn't do that. But the octopus is doing that now. I'm getting the sense of deja vu.
He dun want anyone to know that we r going out is fine 'cause we r working together too. But his treatment of me when we r outside depend on his mood. It just hurt. He used to hold my hands but now he do it less. When I ask y, he became unhappy and asked what's wrong with me. I cried.
My gf said that he's no good for me, I always think that everyone have flaws. He may b insensitive but he try very hard to treat me well. He cooked for me when I'm sick. He washed my plates when I'm busy. He feed my hamster too!
I'm born alone, I'm going to die alone...so may b I'm destine to be alone.

This is sad, i just read one of my Lj friend goodbye message posted in Jul 07. She have to stopped posting as the Chinese govt blocked out Lj. Well at least she manage to stay in longer than me. Dun you just hate it when the govt intervene with your freedom of speech!
My sis introduced a German guy to me and I met him for dinner yesterday (of course with my sis and other co-workers on the scene too). He seems nice. He likes to travel a lots and he have the $ to do it. He said that he's going to ship a bike (with that side seating...mm what do you call that kind of bike anyway?) to Kunming and pass the Chinese border to Myanmar and then end the trip in Thailand, Chiangmai. If I'm not pityfully half attached, i would want to go too. However will have to get to know him well first. Heard from my sis that he's very picky and he like pretty gal....which guy does't like one huh.. I guess I'm not his type and he won't become mind.
Yesterday I went to help my guy...I should give him a name...oooo yes I called him octopus so my dear octopus he is. I went to help him change the light in his apartment and something like a big piece of dirt fell into my left eye. I got it out but still feel irritate till now, may have to forego my contact lens for a day I think.
After a year of absent from Lj I think I may have to find new friend all ove again.

I have completely disappeared from Lj since Chinese govt block out Lj website. Actually i try using the proxy site but it's so slow it kills me!
Well, 1 year and a month has passed and life has not been that beautiful for me. I broke up with my bf....(he's the greatest and lovable guy I've ever known). Dun ask me y but we r still great friend. I've got a new guy in my life now, but his mind is not only complicating...he's demanding. I can not say that he's my bf 'cause he said the word doesn't imply that it's going to make a couple stay together forever. So I'm kind of half single and afloat now. My heart is kind of unstable now.
I dun want to say that he's my mistake,'cause i'm now kind of in love with him. I also understand that he try very hard to spend a lot of time with me. I try damn hard to give him whatever he wants, I even stop asking if he love me or not. I just like falling into the old pattern of waiting. I've wait 3 years for my ex to tell his friend that i'm his gf. Now I've have to wait for this guy again. Do i have to live in hiding all my life?!

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favourite Movie:
5. Favourite Song or Album:
6. Favourite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favourite memory of us?
14. What is your favourite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favourite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
28. Will you repost this so i can fill it out for you?

It's not really a town inspection.....actually I just went for very long stroll ...that's all. I've been in Shanghai for a year now,but I have not been into all the walkable alley ways yet. Which is very unusual for me. Exploring nooks and crannies of the town has always been my favourite hobby. Last Saturday I start to revive this hobby ...and it was really fun. I just pick any road at my whim. I saw a lot of beautiful shop and funny looking people. Yesterday I did that again...of course taking a different route this time. I saw so may art shops on the way that I was dying to buy something back home. However an empty pocket didn't quite allow that...I did get a pair of hand drawn alabaster penguin....not actually a penguin but shape like one with lots of wonderful patterns on them. They cost me 50yuan.If my bf knows that...he's going to strangle me.
I'm now at a friend house or else there will be picture of where I had explored.

I'm getting more lazy. I can't stand to sit down and work for 5min and that's horrible. By the way, my new gal hammy had given birth to 5 babies. I'm really excited and anxious to see how they will grow to look like. The father is gray and the mom is light brown with threes lines across her back. They will all be give after they started weening. But apart from looking at all my hammies, all that I'm doing now is sleep. Is not that I'm depress or what but the weather here is just sooooo nice for sleeping. It's been raining for 2 days with thunder and lighting flashing through the sky ......I absolutely love that. How I miss all the wind and thunder in S'pore where it used to rain every week.
I'm into studying Latin now. I know that it 's an ancient language that almost forgotten accept for its use in science and in the literary circle. I've been looking at the online basic Latin lesson, just hope that I have the time to study it. If my brain doesn't go dead on me, I might be able to go back and read the book by Umberto Eco again . I have his book 'Name of the Roses' (hope I didn't get that wrong) which has a lot of Latin phases inside and it kill me not to know what they mean. Any suggestion on studying Latin anyone?
I'm also going back to drawing again which is not easy at all. My fingers had all gone stiff and my shading is horrible. I'm sad ......will try to practice more though. I don't like to give up on anything I like.

UUUU Hu Hu Hu Hu....The latest CSI-NY series is out on dvd here. I've never been much of soap watcher or series fan...but CSI have a place in my heart(or eye). Ok, apart from gloating over the guys (Danny and Flack)I really like the script. Some series are too focus on man-woman relationship but CSI bring out the human realtionship, both the best and worse part.
CSI-Miami is out too, but I haven't get hold of it yet....no $$ T_T is the simple reason. Well my salary is coming out so, I can wait. CSI miami can be a little mushy though.
Lately I have been trying to get in touch with some of my ancient friend. They seem to be doing fine. One of them has even become a cabin crew for SIA (S'pore airline). This reminded me how fast time fly. One day I was just a girl kicking the boys asses and now I'm working as a corporate slave.

I've not have a decent sleep for 2-3 days and I'm tired of this. I try sleeping early but I'm still tired in the morning...plus I alway wake up before the alarm clock ring. Apart from all the fantastic, adventurous or either damn scary dream I have every night, I seem to sleep well at the start, but I'll wake up at around 5am then 6am and then 6:30am....that's annoying! I miss the old day when I can sleep the day away. I can't even do that now on Sat and Sun just because my bio-clock is so bloody punctual, it wake me up at working time T_T .....

I'm suffering from endless brain cell-self decapitation right now. I can't stand to do one thing properly or finish it. I can not sit down for 10 min then I'll start walking around. I can't finish reading over 10pages of a book, I will eat only for a few mouthful and then turn to do something else. What is wrong with me?
Plus I have a very puzzling nightmare last night. I dream of place full of war and dead people... there were dead bodies all around me...I even walked past them. I saw dead bodies hanging down from something that look like a tree, the bodies were rotten, some torn into half and they call out to me for help. There were so many debris all around, but it seems I live with a group of odd people. Some of them are thief, bully ...some old people and some very young.
I'm used to having funny scary dream all the time but never see so many dead people in my dream before (usually 1-2). MMMMM

Thank to moshinobo or else I would have been in the dark, dank and stinking hole of ingorance. The Chinese govt had block all blog site and that solved the mystery of y I can not gain access to LJ. The Chinese govt here is so paranoid. I think that no govt can work without criticism but the Chinese here can and prefer not to face the truth. Grrr, ok I'm in a really foul mood. The weather here in Shanghai is either rainy or too windy and I just recovered from torn muscle ( I mean really torn inside). The doc. thought that I fall down from flight of stair while all I did was carried 1labtop,1blanket,1suit,1coat,1bed sheet and get in the wrong position. I also came down with allergy...well it's almost spring here and I'm allergic to flower pollent. Huh, huh but I do love flower though.
And 1 reminder to moshinobo if u read this in time. Every brush stroke come from the heart and so is the color. So relax when you r using the poster color... just let your heart does what it wants and see the result.